33 Things I Learned In 2023

As we wind down the year + await the birth of our second boy [due on Christmas!], I’m reflecting on 2023 with a tender heart. What a year!

My word for 2023 was “emerge.” 2022 was a year of so much change, + I really hoped to integrate all of the lessons that I learned from 2022 [mostly all the motherhood lessons] + fully step into this “new” version of myself that I was still very much getting to know, even though I had been a mom for 9 months. Becoming a mother was the most transformational experience of my life… + I spent a lot time after giving birth questioning, who am I now that I am a mother?

Thankfully, I found out about the word “matrescence” this year [highly recommend listening to this podcast epsiode]:

Matrescence is the physical, emotional, hormonal + social transition to becoming a mother.

In the episode, Amy Taylor-Kabbaz shares that the “becoming a mother” process can take up to 7 years… for each child. Hearing this gave me permission to simply be in the “becoming” process — allowing myself to sit in the questions + allow my journey as a mother to unfold without trying to “figure it out.” This was probably my greatest lesson from 2023. Easier said than done. Almost 2 years in, + I’m still getting to know who I am as a mother + am a lot more okay in “not knowing…” after all, I have 5 more years! 😉

#1] Learning about matresence. “Matresence is the massive identity shift we experience as we become + move through motherhood.” I’m excited to really lean into this in 2024, especially as I become a mother of two. I read Amy Taylor-Kabbaz’s book “Mama Rising” in 2 days… + I feel like I’ll be reading it at least 5 more times.

“Matrescene is like adolescence — just as we don’t wake up on our 13th birthday suddenly an adult, we have this period of transition [physical, emotional, spiritual, hormonal, social, cultural] + it’s during that period we figure out who we are… it’s an ending + a beginning until we are an adult. Motherhood is the same. When we wake up + pee on the pregnancy test, or push the baby out + see our child for the first time that is not an immediate “we are now a mother” — there’s a period of ending + beginning… of big change + we have to figure out who we are now.”

#2] My body is still processing all the changes that have happened in the past 3 years. In the past 3 years: we gave up our lease + were nomadic-ish, we got married, I got pregnant, CHAARG went totally remote, we moved to Santa Monica, I gave birth to Noah [+ had the most amazing home birth — read the story here!], Isaac ended his digital agency after 5 years, we navigated becoming parents… + then I got pregnant again! So many of these changes were absolutely amazing… but they happened so fast, that I don’t think my body had time to process everything fully. I experience this now as non-specific overwhelm. I’m working on this through trying to energetically clear my space + help my body come into present time.

#3] Slow down. Easier said than done for me as a bucketlist queen + wanting to “suck the bone marrow out of life.” I love that Isaac + I have such a zest for life + want to do all the things. However, now having a toddler [eeek], I realized that the way we were living was not sustainable… + it was also also exhausting. Life is easier when we follow Noah’s rhythms [see more below] + I’m working integrating that with slowing down + prioritizing, which is so hard for me, as “everything” feels like a priority. To be continued…

#4] (A little) less travel. Related to slowing down, the way we travel looks different now, too. I vividly remember in Sydney, Australia when Noah was 11 months old, having this moment of — “Oh, we need to cater to his schedule now.” Before when traveling, we could just bop around + he’d sleep in the carrier… not anymore. Also, going out to eat just wasn’t fun. Our favorite vacation this year was when we went to Kauai when Noah was 18 months for 4 days + we didn’t try to do anything other than play on the beach with him + eat acai bowls + takeout sushi. He was happy — therefor we were happy! I have a feeling that this will be our new norm when traveling for the foreseeable future with children.

• Speaking of travel, I compiled all of my 70 travel guides into one post this year: My Complete List Of Travel Guides

#5] Noah’s needs are constantly changing. Similar to the sentiment above on no more bopping around + expecting that he’ll sleep on the go… this also relates to playtime, spending time in the house, hiking, walking, eating, sleeping, etc. One of the most bittersweet lessons recently is that the way we’ve been hiking with him will most likely come to an end very soon… every time he’s in the carrier, he says “walk, walk, walk!” or “OUT!” We have to bribe him with food / water to stay in, + even then… it’s short lasted. I don’t blame him—I would want to walk, too!

#6] Instead of hosting in Santa Monica… plan a group vacation! We are starting to bust out of the seams in our apartment [+ will even moreso with 2 — TBD if we will be converting the guest bedroom to a nursery or if the boys will share a room]… so, who wants to go on a group vacation? : )

#7] I know I talk a lot about phone boundaries — but I think I finally found a system that actually works for me. It’s simple: I deleted instagram off my phone. When I want to post on my feed, I re-upload instagram + keep it up for 24 hours [for ease of comments / interacting], + then I delete it again! I’ll go on instagram via my computer 2–3x a week or so, but it’s way less addicting + I’m probably on for 5 minutes. I have been doing this for 6 months now + the benefits that I’ve seen for my mental health are incredible. Don’t get me wrong — I really do love instagram + the connection / education it provides, but I am in a season of my life where I simply cannot be on it like I used to.

#8] Sleep is everything. Noah starting sleeping through the night at 14 months… + oh my gosh, I didn’t realize how sleep deprived we were. Then, at 18 months he went through a sleep regression + we were in the thick of it for 1.5 months + we were so exhausted. Finally, we got through it… + he’s back to sleeping through the night [thank goodness]. We never sleep trained Noah [story for another time!] + I don’t regret it… but I am a lot more open to sleep guidance for baby #2.

#9] I don’t want to live in Australia anymore. While I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Sydney + Byron Bay, I don’t have the desire to live in Australia anymore. For 33 years of my life I thought I’d 100% live in Sydney again — since I was born there + am a dual citizen, it felt like my “duty” to myself. However, now living in LA… it feels too similar to California when we visited… yet so far away. Ps: check out my full travel guide to Australia here.

#10] I am so grateful for my journaling practice. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this practice for 7 years [!!!!!]. I love that journaling helps me process… + remember! Since becoming a mother, I’ve added a few more journals to the mix:

• Pregnancy Journal — weekly updates!
• Noah’s Journal — in the beginning, I’d write it in weekly. Now, it’s moreso monthly updates as well as documenting any “firsts” or special moments. I’m thinking about stopping this journal when he turns 2… but I’m not sure! Or, maybe I’ll do a longer cadence, like once a quarter or once a year.

#11] I LOVE phone calls for keeping in touch with friends. For the most part, I’m so over texting / voice notes [which I used to be all about lol]. In this season where so many of my friends don’t live near me, phone calls feel so much more connecting + I really value them.

#12] When in doubt — go in nature. Nature is the best medicine! My soul craves more + more nature. I feel so grateful for the ocean + all the hiking close by. We’ve been making it a ritual to go hiking every Saturday + go to the beach every Sunday… + it’s been incredible!

#13] Being pregnant with my first was a spa like experience compared to being pregnant with a toddler lol. If you know you know. If you’re pregnant with your first — cherish it! Cherish all the alone time, all the self-care, all the journaling, + all the connecting with your baby in your belly. I feel a bit sad that I haven’t had as much connection time with baby #2 in my belly, but I’m giving myself grace. This last month leading to his arrival, I’m really trying to prioritize time with him — especially through meditation / visualization.

#14] I learned Vedic Meditation this year! It was such a beautiful course + I felt so strongly pulled to really dedicate myself to the practice for 3 months — the traditional practice involves a 20 minute sit in the morning + 20 minute sit in the evening. Then, a week later… life got in the way + sitting 2x a day was just not realistic for me at the moment. However, it’s still calling to me + I hope to dedicate myself to this for 3 months in 2024. I also did a Jack Kornfield guided meditation course with Sarah — while the course wasn’t exactly what we expected, it was so nice to be able to do it together + have that accountability.

#15] Books that interested me this year = You Can Heal Your Life + How To Read The Akashic Records. How have I not read both of these before?! Isaac + I actually read You Can Heal Your Life together as a “book club” + had so many powerful conversations. Would love to read another book with Isaac in 2024... I think we are going to read Good Inside together!

#16] We finally found our YOGA STUDIO! After so many bad yoga dates + trying out tons of different yoga studios around LA, Isaac + I finally found “our” studio. Yogaview in Chicago will always be our “yoga home,” but I feel so grateful that we finally found an amazing place to practice in Santa Monica… that’s walking distance from us!

#17] More dates with Isaac! Right before Noah turned 1, I felt such a strong urge to date Isaac again. Up until then, I couldn’t imagine doing anything without Noah — he felt tethered to me in every way + I loved it. But, eventually I realized that Isaac + I needed time together just the two of us to foster our relationship as a couple [not just the relationship as a family]. Even though I realized this was needed when Noah was 1 year, our dates didn’t actually happen until 2 months before baby #2’s due date… + we were like WE NEED TO DO THIS. We started doing coffee + yoga dates on Thursday mornings + it’s been so nourishing to my soul — I’m hoping that this becomes a tradition for years to come. Also! We did our first “one night away” in a hotel without Noah when I was 37 weeks pregnant + it was absolutely incredible! In 2024, I’d love to incorporate 1x/month dinner dates with Isaac.

#18] Community takes time to build. We are finally starting to have a bit of a community here in Santa Monica after living here for almost 2 years + it feels so good. Surprisingly, it feels way easier to meet people with a baby / toddler. The hard part is actually finding the time to hang out lol.

#19] Use a different email for online ordering. How did it take me so long to do this?! Helps with reducing all the spam / marketing emails. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I’ve unsubscribed from email lists multiple times, yet I somehow end back on their list… arg.

#20] Multi-tasking is not a good idea with a toddler. More often not, I’m not my best self when I’m trying to do something while watching Noah.

#21] Waking up an hour before Noah + having quiet “me time” is such a gift. I am relishing in this, knowing that this will change drastically once I’m in the newborn phase again — but on days that I get up at 530am + have some quiet time before he wakes up to journal, write, read, etc… it feels glorious!

#22] I’m becoming more + more sensitive / easily overstimulated. I don’t know if it’s living in LA, being pregnant, or having a toddler… [or all of the above lol?], but I feel way more sensitive to my environment + can get sensory overload easily. Thankfully, I’m pretty mindful on when I’m feeling overstimulated + can make adjustments as needed… but I think that’s another reason why I am so drawn to nature lately. Nature is so soothing!

#23] Asking — “What is the life force of the food I am eating?” This was really brought to our awareness when Isaac went deer hunting this year + we had venison for many, many meals. A beautiful deer nourished our family for 20+ meals… whereas, when we eat a meal with chicken, that’s 1–2 chickens, just for that meal alone. Also, thinking about the life that the deer vs chicken had… no doubt the deer had so much more life force. Needless to say, we’ve been straying further + further away from chicken + trying to be be even more conscious of our animal intake.

#24] Constantly checking email on my phone is never a good idea — especially before bed. Since removing instagram from my phone, email became my new “go to” click on my phone. I don’t even have the gmail app! I have to go to safari to get on gmail! This sounds drastic but something that helps is literally putting my phone in a drawer in the kitchen. Out of sight, out of mind.

#25] Less podcasts. More audiobooks + books. I’m so bored of podcasts! Audiobooks / books have been speaking to my soul lately.

#26] Started working with a writing mentor. I’m writing a poetry book! As of now, I have no intention of publishing it [I will share a few poems on instagram + already have here + here] — it’s solely a book for me. However, I wanted to work with a mentor on my writing to give this piece of art everything that I got. As you may expect, it’s about motherhood + I cannot wait to have it as a keepsake for years to come. Originally, I wanted it to be finished before the end of the year… but that is not happening lol. I know I will finish it at the perfect time!

#27] Reframe that I love — whenever I’m faced with an obstacle, ask: “What lesson am I supposed to learn here?” It helps me take a deep breath + remember that we are all enrolled in the school of life ; ).

#28] Always say YES to watching the sunset. It helps that sunset is at 445pm currently haha

#29] Communicating with Noah is the BEST. I know I say this every month, but we are in an amazing stage right now [20 months]. He’s having a word explosion + it’s so fun to communicate with him + witness his language development. I’ve [started to] come to terms that I will always have such a bittersweet feeling in my heart watching Noah grow up… grief about a chapter ending, while excitement + gratitude for the current chapter we are in. Almost every day, I find myself longingly looking at him wanting to engrave a sweet moment forever in my mind.

#30] A solo weekend away does the body + mind + soul good. How did it take me 17 months to spend a weekend away from Noah?! It’s wild how 24 hours to myself felt like SO MUCH TIME. I remember thinking [after 24 hours]: Okay I can go home now… I’m recharged!

#31] Isaac + I have “Weekly Team Meetings.” How did it take us so long to do this?! We are channeling our Virgo energy + started team meetings every Sunday [with an accompanied google doc ; )] that shares what our schedule looks like for the week, Noah’s schedule + who is taking care of him, when/what we are doing for family time [mostly hikes + beach!], errands to run, menu planning for the week, etc. In the past, we would literally check in that day about taking care of Noah + many days it felt like we were passing him off like a hot potato. Everything feels so much smoother now + I’m grateful that we’ve found a system that works for us [until baby #2 arrives + we will have to adjust again!].

#32] NOAH TURNED 1. All the emotions. Becoming a mother has cracked me wide open in all the best ways. I feel so deeply grateful for this journey + for Noah for being the light of our lives. I reflected on 6 motherhood lessons from the first year here. Also, I loved honoring Noah’s “Last 40 Days [of his first year of life]” — read about it here!

#33] I was reminded yet again that 9 months is the perfect amount of time to feel all the feelings about pregnancy + ultimately, get excited for birth! Finding out that I was PREGNANT on Noah’s first birthday came with so much shock… yet, here we are in the home stretch + baby #2’s birth will be the perfect arrival time. I can’t wait for Noah to become a big brother + to have two boys 20 months apart. Besties! It’s also wild because when I was going through my 2023 journal, Isaac + I had “the conversation” in January about when to start trying for a second. Little did we know that at the end of the year, a beautiful baby boy will be in our arms. ❤

Something else that feels like it came full circle — I wrote this note in January as the main “theme” that I wanted to cultivate for 2023, way before hearing about matresence. It made me smile, knowing that while I don’t necessarily think I’m quite there yet in finding my optimal “balance,” I feel so confident that I’m on the right path + that it takes time to find my footing. I am not in any rush, + I’m surrendering to the beautiful process… I can’t wait to see who I become.

“I desire to feel fulfilled in my motherhood / work / life “balance.” Navigating this new chapter + feeling confident + content in how I’m showing up as my full self in every aspect of my life.”

Thank you 2023 for being a beautiful year. My heart is full going into 2024.

Love,
Elisabeth