Home Birth + Surviving A Uterine Inversion: The Birth Of Gabriel Forest, *TW [Part #3]

This is a continuation of my birth journey — read Part #1 here + Part #2 here.

Trigger Warning: If you are expecting, I would not recommend reading my story quite yet. While a uterine inversion is an extremely rare condition — I believe that it’s best to only surround yourself with positive, uplifting birth stories while pregnant, like my home birth with Noah. While my birth story with Gabriel was traumatic, I can’t help but also feel so empowered by it — I am so, so grateful to be alive + to have a healthy baby boy in my arms. My life has been forever changed + I am very lucky to be able to share my story.

Checked For Dilation For The First Time

After the beautiful moment of “finally feeling ready” — I continued to labor in a few different positions. I’m pretty sure I actually nodded off for a few minutes in between contractions towards the end of laboring. It was well past my bedtime, + I was starting to get really tired. I felt for his head a few times while I was laboring on the toilet + he didn’t seem that much lower than the first time I felt for him at the start of the night, so I started getting a bit discouraged. I asked — “What can I do to get this baby OUT?”

My doula asked me if I wanted a cervix check. I wasn’t sure. I asked her what she thought I should do. She encouraged it, saying that getting checked would give us more information + help us determine the best laboring positions. If I wasn’t very far along, for example, I would do more resting positions.

In my mind, I was prepared to be at a 2 or 4 — keep in mind, I was never checked with Noah, so I had no point of reference. I just felt like laboring wasn’t that terrible + I also knew that Gabriel wasn’t as low as Noah was when I felt for Noah’s head during labor [1 inch away], + they immediately said… Blow up the birth tub, it’s time to push!

I decided that regardless of where I was at — I was fully prepared to labor for another 24 hours. Certainly, I didn’t want to… but I was prepared to. So, I said — “Yes, I’ll get checked.”

My midwife checked me [it didn’t hurt at all] + to everyone’s surprise… I was at a 9! I was in disbelief. “Really?” My midwife asked if I wanted them to blow up the birth tub. “I guess?”

The birth tub takes 15–20 minutes to blow up + fill up, so I labored a bit longer in bed + on the toilet. I remember having an empowering moment on the toilet when I almost spoke out loud — “I wish every woman could experience just how strong + powerful her body is.” But I held back from voicing it because I immediately had a thought after — “Well, I’m not finished yet, it could get a lot more intense.”

Getting Into The Birth Tub

When the birth tub was filled up, I got in. I was expecting sweet relief like during Noah’s labor [literally went from a 100 to a 0]. Nope, not this time. My contractions still hurt so much. The warmth of the water felt nice, but I did not like laboring in the water at all. I didn’t like that I couldn’t receive counter pressure while I was in the birth tub, + even more than that — being in the tub made me feel even more alone. The empowerment that I felt on the toliet moments before dissipated. In the birth tub, I felt like I was “alone in the ring” — exhausted, in pain, + needing relief… while everyone else was on the sidelines watching me.

I was also getting so, so tired at this point. Isaac yawned a few times + I’m grateful that I felt safe enough to say to him, “I love you so much, but please stop yawning.” While I used my voice in this instant [+ I’m glad I did!] — I wish I would have elaborated more… “Don’t you see me? I am so tired. I need you to be strong for me.”

As I was laboring in the tub, I really tried to connect with Gabriel moving down the birth canal. I whispered — “Come on baby, come out” + put my hands on my belly as much as I could… continuing to focus on my breath + breathing the baby down, down, down. My birth team encouraged trying out lower pitched sounds — which I did, but it didn’t feel natural or like it was helping much.

I never felt the “pushing sensation” with Noah, so I knew I might not feel it with Gabriel either. It didn’t take me long before I asked — “When can I start pushing?”

They checked me in the tub + I was at a 9.5. My midwife said that my doula could push my cervix back if I wanted — I said yes. Anything to get Gabriel OUT. My midwife smiled at me + said, “He’s still in the sac.” She knew that I loved the idea of Gabriel being born en caul + even had chosen a different middle name or nickname that we would have given him if he was born en caul.

Time To Push!

Isaac started to get in the water, + I said — “Not yet.” He was in the water when I pushed out Noah — but this time around, the tub felt so small + my body wanted to take up as much space in the tub as possible.

I started to push, bearing down during contractions — even though I didn’t feel the sensation of pushing. I would do 3, sometimes 4, pushes in a row — holding my breath while I pushed, with a quick inhale in between. I pushed with all my might. I started out in a similar position to how I pushed out Noah… leaning against the birth tub, with my knees bent. Eventually, Isaac + my doula ended up holding my feet up + back… similar to what I imagine the position to look like if I was laboring in stirrups.

It’s wild how time feels so distorted in labor land. It felt like I was pushing forever [even Isaac felt that way when I asked him how he experienced Gabriel vs Noah’s pushing] — when in reality it was only 25 minutes, compared to Noah’s 2 hours of pushing. Maybe it was because he was still in his sac, but pushing felt so, so exhausting + discouraging.

Everyone was relatively silent the majority of my pushing stage other than “you got this” from Isaac every couple of minutes, which I appreciated. I really, really needed more encouragement during those moments in the birth tub — I needed more affirmations that I was making progress while pushing. This was another instance in my birth journey that I wish I would have said something. I think I may have whispered, Help me… or, maybe I just said it in my head.

Of course I knew that I was the only one that could birth this baby into the world, but I hated that I felt like I was doing all of this by myself while everyone’s eyes were on me not saying anything. The silence made me worried that I was not making any progress… + I remember having a moment of panic wondering, Will he ever come out? I felt his head with my finger… he was right there. But, he felt like he had been “right there” for awhile. Thankfully that thought immediately went out my system when… POP… my water broke.

Once my water broke, things progressed so much more quickly. I also realized that I was using the wrong muscles to push. I finally connected with the muscles that I use to push a poop out + that’s when someone said, “That’s it! Keep pushing like that!” After a few more pushes, I felt an immense pressure in my rectum. It was the worst pain by FAR that I felt throughout all of labor. Give me contractions all day... this pain was excruciating. It felt like my rectum was being pulled down + was going to explode. It was at that point that everyone started making more noises — “Keep going mama!” “You’re almost there!”

This all happened so quickly [in reality it was probably like 3 minutes] — I truly would not have been able to stand that pressure much longer. My doula said, “I’m going to give you counter pressure, give me a big push.” She supported my perineum + it was SO uncomfortable — but I was in so much pain at that point that I didn’t even care. As soon as she released her fingers she said, “Okay, blow. Blow hard. Keep blowing like that.”

I blew + blew + blew — as hard + fast as I could, like I was aggressively blowing out candles. Oh my goodness, I was in so much pain. Finally Gabriel SHOT out + I let out the highest pitch scream. It was so shrill. I do not remember screaming at all — I only know that I screamed because we have it on video. It was SO intense. He came out to “Black As Night” by Nahko to the line— “I believe in the good things coming coming coming coming.” GABRIEL WAS BORN!

(Later I found out that he was born sunny side up AND with a hand near his face… hence explaining the excruciating pain. After having gone through that pain — all of my “I’m worried I can’t handle labor pains” are *hopefully* gone forever)

Gabriel’s Arrival: 3:50am on December 30, 2023

I immediately started crying + extended my hands out to hold him, my eyes still closed. His cord was wrapped around his neck + he was holding the cord with one of his hands with the tightest grip. My midwife untangled the cord + brought him to my chest. “Oh baby, oh baby” were my first words + he let out a strong YELL right away.

Feeling his warm body on my chest, I opened my eyes to look at him… + I remember this feeling of awe + wonderment + magic wash over me. I was mesmerized. To be able to see his face after 9 months of only feeling kicks in my belly was just incredible. I was so, so happy that he was here, basking in so much love + gratitude. All of the previous feelings of pain, isolation, + exhaustion that I felt throughout my birth journey floated away — he was here + that was all that mattered.

I told Isaac to get in the tub + we had a few beautiful minutes together. I remember saying, “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness” over + over again. Isaac asked, “Is this Gabriel?” I confidently said, “YES.”

I wish I could remember more. I’m grateful to be able to have such a clear memory of him on my chest + looking into his eyes. But soon after that moment, things went downhill quickly + everything got very fuzzy…

To be continued… read Part #4 here.

Love,
Elisabeth