Home Birth + Surviving A Uterine Inversion: The Birth Of Gabriel Forest, *TW [Part #5]

This is a continuation of my birth journey — read Part #1 here + Part #2 here + Part #3 here + Part #4 here.

Trigger Warning: If you are expecting, I would not recommend reading my story quite yet. While a uterine inversion is an extremely rare condition — I believe that it’s best to only surround yourself with positive, uplifting birth stories while pregnant, like my home birth with Noah. While my birth story with Gabriel was traumatic, I can’t help but also feel so empowered by it — I am so, so grateful to be alive + to have a healthy baby boy in my arms. My life has been forever changed + I am very lucky to be able to share my story.

Gabriel’s Name Meaning + Angel Kiss

The moment the OB said “You just had a near death experience,” the meaning of Gabriel’s name finally clicked. I remember just looking at Isaac + both of us being stunned with his name revelation. My entire pregnancy we had such a journey with his name. With Noah, it was so clear Week 5 that his name was “Noah Sol.” This time around, nothing was “hell yes.” We had quite a few names floating around. For some reason, I had a feeling that his name would be revealed after birth in some way. I thought it would have to do with the song that he came out to, the color of his eyes, the time of day he was born, if he was born in the sac, etc… never did I think it would relate to being on the verge of death.

Gabriel means “God is my strength.” There’s no doubt in my mind that God + all of our angels + guides were watching over me + protecting me. I believe that Gabriel picked his name to show me the power of God + to really get me back to my faith in a big way. Also, Gabriel is the archangel in the Bible is the messenger, “the bearer of very good news” — another “aha” as he came out to the lyrics, “I believe in the good things coming coming coming coming.” Through Gabriel’s birth, so many messages have already come through [will share more towards the end of this post] — but one of my greatest messages: My heart is on fire for God.

Gabriel was born with an angel kiss birthmark on his eyebrow. The spiritual significance resonates with me deeply:

“Many people believe angel kiss birthmarks are kisses from an angel that brings you blessings + protection.”

ICU vs Maternity Ward

Once I was stabilized, they were determining if I should go to the ICU or the Maternity Ward. Around that time, I ended up passing out at the ER when they were taking my blood + my vitals were going up + down. I started eating applesauce upon applesauce [my first “meal” postpartum] to try to get my blood sugar up. I knew that low blood sugar probably contributed to me passing out, since I tend to always have a vasodilation response to blood/needles.

The ER staff said that the Maternity Ward was not equipped to monitor me at the current state I was in [especially if I needed another blood transfusion]. Unfortunately, they would need to separate Gabriel + I, since the ICU would not be a safe place for him. Obviously, Isaac did not want to leave my side + Gabriel would need breastmilk every few hours… I started to tear up, I couldn’t imagine leaving Gabriel right now. My midwife + Isaac advocated for me to be able to stay at the ER or transfer directly to the Maternity Ward — it was important to keep Gabriel + I together, + they didn’t want either of us in the ICU.

The ER staff said they would see what they could do… but, most likely I would need to go to the ICU because they could not keep me at the ER, as they would need my bed available as more people came in for emergencies. Ultimately, the ER staff let me stay in the ER for 12 hours until it was clear that I wouldn’t need another blood transfusion + a bed was ready at the Maternity Ward. I feel so grateful for the kindness that was offered to us — they even made the ER set up as cozy + private as they could, leaving the beds empty on either side of me [that were previously filled when I arrived] + closing the sliding door, so that I wouldn’t hear everything that was going on at the ER. Eventually, they felt comfortable sending me to the Maternity Ward. This felt like a huge milestone for us. It also meant that Gabriel + I wouldn’t be separated, which gave me so much relief.

As soon as I was wheeled into my room at the Maternity Ward, I smiled at Isaac. It felt so luxurious. We had a window! I had a toliet! [Instead of having to pee on a tray in bed, which I did at the ER] We had our own room! Isaac had a chair that folded into a bed!

We spent the night at the hospital + it felt so good to be so well taken care of — all of the nurses were incredible. They also took such good care of Gabriel… swaddling him, changing him, rocking him to bed. I was still in such a daze. I ate a bit of soup for dinner + soon after fell into a deep sleep. I’m sure I woke up for breastfeeding multiple times that night, but I don’t remember how often.

It wasn’t until the next morning when I had my first big cathartic cry. Isaac had left to get me breakfast + I was alone with Gabriel for the first time. Everything that happened in the past 24 hours really started to dawn on me + I was trying to make sense of everything. What just happened? Will I be able to ever have kids again? How likely am I to have another uterine inversion? Will I be able to have another home birth? Is my body going to be okay?

I knew that I shouldn’t be thinking about the future, but it pained me to know that I might not be able to conceive again. It was actually one of the first thoughts I had at the ER once I found out what had happened. The doctors said that I would most likely be able to more kids if we wanted to, but Isaac said so tenderly, “We don’t need to think about this right now. If our family is complete — we have two amazing boys! + you are alive!” He was right.

It was also hard to grasp what was going on inside my body. On the outside, I looked + felt relatively “normal” [other than feeling very weak, dizzy when I stood up, + a bit of pain when going to the bathroom], but I knew that there was so much trauma that happened inside my womb. It’s wild because when asked about the healing work related to uterine inversions — the OB said that there is none. The uterus would “heal” just the same as if I had a “normal” birth. Regardless, I’m sure I will need to do a lot of somatic healing work + of course, a lot of pelvic floor therapy.

Coming Home

The nurses continued to test + monitor my blood pressure, heart rate, + EKG. I “failed” a few tests, which was discouraging — I wanted to do everything I could to “pass” so that we could get home… especially because the IVs were hurting me + I already had developed big bruises around a few of them… but Isaac reminded me that we shouldn’t “cheat the system” — we wanted to make sure I was feeling in a good place before going home.

Eventually, I passed every test [after 3 tries every few hours]. They said if I wanted to I could spend another night at the hospital… but that I was cleared to go home now if I wanted to. It was December 31 + I loved the idea of waking up on 2024 in our own bed, so I decided I wanted to go home. I spent a couple more hours at the hospital, while Isaac went home to sage our apartment, wash our sheets, + cleaned up any blood that remained. Our photographer + doula did an incredible job cleaning our house, but he wanted to ensure that it was spotless + had the best energy it possible could before I came home — which I appreciated so much.

Three things I remember most about being discharged:

• How incredible it felt taking off all the IVs
• How incredible the fresh, crisp air felt on my face. I was only outside for 2 minutes as they wheeled me out to the car, but nevertheless — it felt wonderful
• How surreal it felt driving home with Isaac, with Gabriel in his carseat in back of us. The past 48 hours felt like a dream/nightmare. We held hands in silence.

Once we got home, I sat in my nursing chair with Gabriel. Everything looked “normal” other than a tiny blood stain that will forever be on our leather couch reminding us of the preciousness of life. Soon, Noah was dropped off at our house [bless Christopher + Jess for watching him for 2 days] + he was being his playful, rambunctious self. We ate dinner together + while I wanted to “enjoy the moment” with my three boys, I was absolutely exhausted — all I wanted to do was sleep.

The first few days after coming home from the hospital, I had a death dream every night [dying in various ways] + flashbacks whenever I closed my eyes. The flashbacks would always be one of two moments — in the birth tub when it felt like my hip ligaments were coming out with my placenta or riding in the ambulance with the firemen. I think my mind was still trying to process everything that had happened. Of course I also replayed the birth quite a few times that first week, wondering if there was anything that could have been done to prevent my uterus inverting. I had come to a place of full acceptance, but I am someone that wants answers — especially wanting to prevent it from happening in the future. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s anything that could have been done… uterine inversions are extremely rare + “not enough evidence exists to know for sure what causes an inverted uterus.”

Messages Flooding In

I don’t want to spiritually bypass anything — but after having this near death experience, so many messages started flowing through me + I can’t help but feel empowered by this experience. As traumatic as it was [+ like I said above, I know that there will be a lot of somatic healing work needing to be done. Isaac + I are currently in weekly couple’s therapy, which has been helping. I also am sure there will be fear/grief that will bubble up if/when we start to think about expanding our family again], I am determined to make this experience one of my greatest gifts. This experience brought me to the edge + made me realize how much I was holding back in life.

I am done holding back. I am done holding back my love, my desires, my voice, my joy. I’ve always lived life pretty authentically, but I know that fear has held me back in various ways + I am not letting it have a grip on me anymore. Life is too damn short. Even things so simple as “bickering with Isaac” I am so done with. My heart is so, so, so, so open right now + I am determined to keep in it this state for the rest of my life. I feel so grateful for this experience for showing me just how precious life is… + that I have so much to live for! I have a burning desire to know God in a deeper way. I am committed to growing in my spirituality this year [+ hopefully, for a lifetime] — “may my life be a prayer.”

Previous to this experience, I thought: “I could die tomorrow + I would have no regrets. I have lived an amazing life.” After this experience, I realized how selfish I was in thinking that. Isaac shared that when things were going very downhill, he had a thought of what it would be like to raise our two boys without me + it was absolutely devestating. I don’t want Gabriel + Noah to grow up without a mother. I don’t want Isaac to grow old without a wife. We have such a beautiful family. I need to live for my boys!

I feel endlessly grateful for God for protecting me, all the blood donors [so wild + incredible to think that I currently have multiple people’s blood inside of me], + all of the medical staff, firemen, my birth team, + Isaac for saving me. I could be in such critical condition right now… or not here at all.

Where To From Here?

I am embracing this newborn cocoon season with such a full heart. I have zero rush to get back to “real life” in any way — it took me 20 days to even step outside, + honestly, I could have gone longer! But it was a beautiful sunny day + Isaac encouraged us to lay in the grass in one of our favorite spots, + I’m glad we did.

Gabriel is an angel + it’s been such a gift to watch Noah + Gabriel interact with each other — Noah constantly says, “Gabriel” + “Hold it” [meaning he wants to hold Gabriel lol], + gives him so many kisses. Isaac has been taking such good care of me [+ I want to shout from the rooftops what an amazing person he is — I can’t believe how lucky I am to call him my husband] , + we’ve had a lot of help from our families which has been such a blessing.

I will have an ultrasound in a month or so to see how my uterus is healing. Eventually, I’ll start pelvic floor therapy. I’m going to do a “closing of the bones ceremony” on Day 60. Soon enough, I’ll emerge back into the world… forever changed. I’m sure there will be many ripples that come from this experience for years to come. I can’t say enough how grateful I am to be alive + to feel so much peace. I am ready to truly live.

If you’ve come this far, thank you for reading my story. My wish for you is that you have the most extraordinary life. Sending you all the love + light.

Love,
Elisabeth