My Postpartum Journey: The Fourth Trimester
The fourth trimester. As a first time mom, absolutely nothing could fully prepare me for the fourth trimester — the period between birth + the first 12 weeks of my son’s life. I remember the first few weeks of his life saying, “Postpartum is absolutely amazing! So many people talk about the hardships… but I’m experiencing so much joy! Why don’t people talk about the joy?”
Fast forward a few weeks later… The growth spurts hit. The sleep deprivation hits. The identity shift hits. The brain fog hits. The passing him off like a hot potato when he’s crying hits. I remember Isaac looking at me with bags under his eyes saying: “This is the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life.”
It is so challenging… but it is also so joy-filled. So many highs + so many lows can be experienced in a single day, + A LOT of emotions can easily get stirred up. I’m working on making space for it all. I’m reminding myself that I’m still so new to this parenting thing + that I’m doing my best. If I could do Noah’s first 12 weeks of his life all over again, this is what I’d tell myself…
50 Pieces Of Advice I Wish I Could Tell My Postpartum Self
#1] The first week you will be in a newborn bliss bubble. You’ll feel ecstatic joy. Enjoy the high… it truly will be a peak experience of your life.
#2] You don’t need to call/text everyone back right away who are congratulating you on becoming a mama + want to hear your birth story. Take at least a week [or longer] before responding.
#3] You will constantly look at Noah + question “Were you really inside of me?!” It’s so trippy. Also you + Isaac will say LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS 1012847x per day.
#4] Brain fog is a real thing. It’s okay. Lion’s Mane helps.
#5] So much changes so quickly. You’re going to miss his newborn reflexes, the piglet noises he makes, the smell of his head, his hairy back. Soak every moment up + take all the photos/videos. Especially more videos the first week of his life! You’ll write in your journal: “My only regret is not taking more video content his first week of life.”
#6] You’ll feel nostalgic constantly the first few weeks. You’ll cry about him growing so fast. You’ll hear people say: “Trust me, every stage is so beautiful.” You won’t believe them. Then, he’ll start smiling + coo’ing + somehow getting even cuter, + you won’t feel *as* nostalgic anymore because you realize this moment you’re living in is pretty darn special.
#7] Get outside. Take more walks with Noah. [Also, you can definitely go on a walk earlier than 2 weeks postpartum.]
#8] Get off your phone. Seriously… get. off. your. phone. Consider deleting instagam.
#9] Be nicer to Isaac. You are both sleep deprived. Some days are worse than others… have grace.
#10] You’ll love breastfeeding. Even though it does take up SO much time, especially in the beginning. He won’t always feed for 60–90 minutes at a time… it gets less as he gets older. [Also, the way he looks at you while breastfeeding — THE CUTEST.]
#11] Take a shower every day. You’ll feel so much better after. Especially after night sweats. Also, take more baths!
#12] Going poop will hurt for like 3–4 weeks after giving birth. It will feel very similar to “pushing” + you’ll be scared you’ll never poop normally again. Don’t worry, you will!
#13] You’ll have so much appreciation for your boobs. Literally SO MUCH. Breastmilk is freaking magical. You can skip on buying a breastfeeding cover — you’ll feel very comfortable breastfeeding everywhere + anywhere.
#14] Eventually, you’ll get sleep again. It will take 3 months… but it *will* happen. One day, he’ll sleep through the night + you’ll freak out because it will be light out. You’ll feel so incredibly energized that day, + you’ll finally realize how sleep deprived you actually were.
#15] Don’t have broccolini… even if it’s sautéed.
#16] Postpartum cravings: Kombucha, Oatmeal, + Coconut Dream Smoothie from Erewhon. Unfortunately, you won’t really love food that much. Work with a postpartum doula to help with meals.
#17] Record a podcast with Isaac on the birth story. Record a podcast with Isaac on the fourth trimester.
#18] Play dates with babies a few months ahead of Noah will help you savor Noah’s current stage so much.
#19] Breastmilk smells like buttered popcorn.
#20] Newborn reflexes are the cutest thing ever… especially the moro reflex when he throws his arms out wide + hugs you.
#21] Keep tags on all baby items until you see Noah’s size + interests.
#22] Physically, you’ll feel amazing immediately after birth. But, as much as you want to go on a run, wait at least 6 weeks.
#23] Emotionally… a different story. One day [or moment] you’ll feel on top of the world, the next you’ll have a breakdown. Make space for all the feelings + have grace for yourself… you’re doing your best.
#24] Mom intuition appears out of nowhere.
#26] There’s no such thing as too many snuggles. Savor the moments when he naps on your chest. Also, nap when he naps!
#27] Journal. Meditate. SLOW DOWN!
#28] It can takes hours [plural] to get out the door with a newborn. You are on your child’s time!
#29] Don’t return the sound machine. Try swaddling again + again, + eventually he’ll take to it + it will make going to naps/sleep so much easier.
#30] Watch a YouTube on how to use a car seat… [Also, take the newborn insert out of the carseat once he’s over 8 lbs…]
#31] You’ll feel very overwhelmed the first few months. You’ll feel decision fatigue easily. You’ll struggle with time + energy management a lot. Try to schedule as little as possible. [It’s totally okay to do only one thing a day especially in the early weeks… + that one thing can be taking a shower.] Create boundaries as needed.
#32] You WILL NOT feel “back to normal” after 6 weeks. Even though you rested the “First Forty Days” — it will actually get harder. 6–10 weeks will be the hardest [so far at least… currently writing this at 18 weeks]. When it feels really really hard, remind yourself that you’re in the thick of the biggest transition of your life.
#33] It will take a long time to fully process pregnancy + birth. Allow yourself to continue questioning things, leaning into this new version of you, + contemplate motherhood.
#34] Take notice of when growth spurts will be [2–3w, 6w, 3m, 6m, + 9m] + know that there will be a lot more crying/fussiness during those times.
#35] You’ll google “why do newborns grunt at 5am?” way too many times. + then eventually… he’ll stop grunting at 5am!
#36] Don’t forget to take time every day to simply stare in awe at your baby. [The way he smiles when he dreams is the cutest thing ever!] Honor every change + milestone… first smile, first laugh, first roll, first bath, etc. It truly is such a miracle watching them grow. [+ watching their personality develop!]
#37] “Touched out” is totally a thing, so be easy on yourself + speak up for your needs. Your libido will be low [non existent?] for 4 months + sex will not feel good… you don’t need to overanalyze it — your body is still healing! Don’t worry, your libido will come back! Remember to connect + make time for intimacy with Isaac… it’s crazy how easy it is for that to slip through the cracks + have all of your energy directed towards Noah.
#38] Celebrate. Celebrate all the things. 1 day of Noah. 1 week. 1 month. 40 days [the sacred window]. 12 weeks [the fourth trimester]. 1 year anniversary of conceiving Noah. 1 year anniversary of finding out that you’re pregnant. There’s so much to celebrate.
#39] Don’t take a work meeting at 5 weeks postpartum. Don’t check your email every day. Put up an automatic response that you’re on maternity leave. Speaking of maternity leave… you’ll struggle with it. You’ll feel so confused + be hard on yourself because you thought you’d feel “ready” to return to work at 2 months postpartum. Have grace for yourself + trust that you *will* feel ready to go back to work again… + you’ll feel so grateful for being able to take a maternity leave.
#40] Something else you’d thought you’d feel “ready” for = visitors. Don’t host anyone for multiple nights [parents are an exception] until at least 12 weeks postpartum.
#41] You’ll start to notice Noah’s routine at 3 months [he takes the longest nap ever in the mornings]… same with getting better at distinguishing cries for hunger vs boredom vs sleepy. [Also, it’s going to get so, so good at 3 months. You’ll see what I mean!]
#42] The first time you take a long car ride you’ll feel like your pre-baby self… because it’s the first time Noah wasn’t attached to your body. It will feel really good + really weird at the same time.
#43] People are so, so nice to you on the streets [+ at the airport!] with a newborn.
#44] Newborns only needs 1–3 outfits max. They basically live in a diaper + blanket… plus, you won’t leave your house for weeks. You’ll cry when Noah doesn’t fit into his newborn onesie anymore.
#45] Make a pregnancy + home birth + newborn photo album or scrapbook [this is advice I still need to take from myself ; )]
#46] You’ll have mixed feelings on mom groups. It will feel like information overload… instead of mom groups, you’ll enjoy connecting with new mamas one on one.
#47] Friendships may change when you become a mom. You’ll reconnect with friends who are moms. You’ll notice who checks in on you… + who doesn’t. You’ll have a better understanding on how you want to show up as a friend when others become new moms.
#48] Say yes to an 8 hour road trip at 6 weeks. Say yes to a flight at 15 weeks. You’ll wonder how the heck you’ll travel again with kids, + then once you do it + you’ll absolutely love it. Your joy for travel will come back full force, + you will love seeing the world through Noah’s eyes. [Even though traveling won’t be the relaxing adventure you’re used to pre-baby, it will be 100% worth it.]
#49] You’ll have a newfound amazing + appreciation for your own mama. “Think about how much you love Noah… that’s how much your mom loves you.” Mind blown.
#50] Your love for Noah will grow deeper + deeper every day. Your heart will burst open in so many ways.
I look back on the fourth trimester with such a tender heart. It truly has been the most sacred season of my life yet — navigating the newness of motherhood + tending to a precious little human, while also “birthing” a new version of myself. There are so many changes, challenges, joys, lessons, + gifts from the fourth trimester, + I’m grateful I savored it as best I could.
I’m proud of the mother I am becoming.
Love,
Elisabeth