My Pregnancy Journey: Finding Out That I Was Pregnant + First Trimester

Oh man. Where do I even begin!? Our son Noah is 2 months old, + I’m approaching the end of the “Fourth Trimester” — hence, a desire to reflect is coming in strong.

I kept a pregnancy journal starting at 5 weeks + journaled every single Sunday throughout pregnancy. I’m so grateful I did this. One of my biggest “aha moments” after re-reading my pregnancy journal after giving birth: The length of pregnancy is perfectly divine.

40 weeks of pregnancy allowed me to hold space for all of my emotions… + then process them, honor the closing of the chapter of Isaac + I as a family of two, prepare for all things birth + newborn life as best I could, + feel excited for all that’s to come in bringing our son into the world.

Pregnancy was such a wild journey — emotionally + physically... particularly towards the end, as my belly was fully expanded + the questions of “what was to come” were constantly on my mind. A mantra that I held dear to my heart: I’ll never be pregnant for the first time ever again. There’s something extra special about being pregnant with your first — on the precipice of so much change

As much as I could try to imagine what life with a newborn would be like, I knew I would never be able to fully grasp the magnitude of how our lives would change as long as I was still pregnant. This knowing would only happen after I birthed Noah into the world… the transiton into motherhood would occur full force. But until then, I was left waiting + wondering…

Finding Out That I Was Pregnant

Isaac + I had just gotten married, + we had unprotected sex on our honeymoon. 3 days after we getting back from our honeymoon, I was positive that I was pregnant. I just felt so off. I remember needing to take a nap every day + I was out of breath on short runs. I took multiple pregnancy tests before the actual window of when you are supposed to take it... they were all negative. As soon as I was in *the window* [5 days before my expected period], I went into a CVS before work. I promised myself that I would not take the test at work because I didn’t want to cry. Well, as soon as I walked into work, I booked it straight to the bathroom to take the test. It was positive.

I didn’t end up crying. My feeling was moreso — I knew it… + then it immediately turned towards fear. I took no pictures or videos to document that moment [which I regret]. I held it in from Isaac for days. I ended up blurting it out to him over a week later, at dinner… “I’m pregnant”… literally in the middle of a random conversation. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. I had barely been sleeping + I didn’t realize how anxious I was about it until I told him + finally felt like a huge weight was off my chest. It was hard for him to hear… he was angry + sad, “This isn’t the way it was supposed to be… we literally just got married.”

I felt guilty for a really, really long time that my story didn’t consist of getting a positive pregnancy test, + then immediately bursting into tears, heart overflowing with joy, eager to tell Isaac that I was pregnant in a meaningful way. Instead fear took over me. However, underneath my fear, I had a deep sense of calm + fully trusted that this baby would be the greatest blessing for our family. Now that he’s here, I truly couldn’t imagine it any other way.

First Trimester

The best way to describe first trimester for me was “survival mode.” I hate to say this, but I truly wished for every day to be over… so that I could be one step closer to first trimester ending, hoping that second trimester would feel better in my body. I literally had a countdown in my journal that shared how many days I had left until I hit 12 weeks of pregnancy.

I let myself have one day of obsessively googling everything about pregnancy. After that, I promised myself that I would not go down the google rabbit hole anymore… instead, I would lean on a few trusted people for any pregnancy questions, as well as my intuition.That was one of the best things I did —it allowed me to go into this pregnancy journey with zero expectations.

Re-reading my journal + looking back on my first trimester, I’m so proud of myself for taking it in stride. First trimester was very hard for me [emotionally + physically], but I kept reminding myself that it was temporary. I struggled a lot for 4–6 weeks… but as soon as second trimester hit, I turned a corner physically. I know that every pregnancy journey is so different, + that my next pregnancy could look completely different than this one — but something I am going to hold close is: It gets better.

First Trimester — Physical + Emotional Changes

• Boobs were very tender right away… + seemed like they tripled overnight. None of my bras fit me.
• Running was really hard for me [because of my growing boobs + I just felt super out of breath for some reason] — I ended up stopping running completely, + didn’t pick it back up until 15 weeks
• Very tired all of first trimester — needed a 30–60 minute nap in the middle of every day. Even if I didn’t fall asleep, I needed to lay down + shut my eyes
• Bloated + constipated
• My sense of smell heightened… + the entire city of Chicago smelled like garbage to me. We ended up moving to the suburbs for a month + living with my parents because the smell + the chaos of city life was too much for my system
• Week 6, I broke out like crazy in random parts of my body [neck + back] — it almost looked like hives… it went away pretty fast. I think it was due to a hormone surge in my body
• Had to pee in the middle of the night every night
• Woke up every morning super hungry
• Threw up once… thankfully it was only watermelon
• Felt very nauseous + felt like I constantly had a stomach ache, pretty much all of first trimester
• Ran hotter than normal
• Did not want to be intimate at all because I felt so off physically + emotionally
• I didn’t feel like my normal “happy” self — I was very negative, moody, exhausted, + at times even mean to Isaac. I also felt very introverted, + didn’t really want to be around anyone. I remember having a breakdown in the shower halfway through first trimester + couldn’t stop crying… afterwards, I finally asked Isaac for help. I told him that I was really struggling, + that I was so sorry for shutting him out. Isaac truly was my rock throughout pregnancy, + I am so so grateful for his support.
• Lastly, I had a lot of anxiety around a miscarriage. Even late into the second trimester, I would google “miscarriage symptoms.” Ultimately, I knew that I had to surrender, trust, + allow my pregnancy journey to unfold day by day.

Writing that all out brings up a lot of emotions. I can’t believe I dealt with all of those physical + emotional changes alone. If I were to give my first trimester pregnant self advice, I would say: Go to therapy more. Isaac + I went once right when we found out that I was pregnant, but I wish we would have gone more. I’m grateful that I journaled all of my feelings, + processed that way… but I do think that talking to someone would have helped even more.

First Trimester — What Helped

• As I mentioned above — journaling! Journaling was probably the #1 thing that helped me during this time, + I’m so grateful that I have a pregnancy journal to look back on
• Not diving into all things pregnancy right away. This one shocked me the most. I always imagined myself diving headfirst into all the books, but I just had no desire to do that in the first trimester. I knew eventually I would want to dive into pregnancy books, so I didn’t force it
• Related to this, I didn’t want to follow any pregnancy accounts on instagram either. Again, this surprised myself! What I ended up doing was creating my own “pregnancy instagram” + I forwarded any pregnancy content/account to that account to div into at a later time
• Reading fiction books! I spent so much time in bed, + originally I would spent that time scrolling on social media + numbing myself. Thankfully, I had the awareness to stop scrolling [as much as I could] + start reading instead. I devoured so many fiction books, + loved it! It was an amazing distraction + helped me take my mind off how nauseous I felt
• The only “nonfiction” book I read was Spirit Babies, which I loved!
• Taking my vitamins with a glass of juice [just water made me gag]. Also gummy vitamins were my go-to whenever possible. I love Mary Ruth’s Organics!
• Pregnancy Pops helped a bit for nausea
• Baths
• The Peleton [Ally Love : )] was the only way I worked out in the first trimester… so glad my parent’s house had a Peleton!
• Bread, bread, + more bread. I also loved eggs + hot sauce! Drank a ton of water
• I actually hated coffee during first trimester… which if you know me, this is shocking. I also hated fish, but that isn’t as shocking haha
• I was nostalgic for food I liked as a kid: cottage cheese, cereal, + black licorice
• Eating every 2–3 hours helped with the nausea
• Embraced the slowness. This was related to everything — I ate a lot slower [I stomach aches if I ate too fast], I did not work out as hard, I cancelled almost all plans because I didn’t feel well, + I moved from the city to the suburbs… to name a few ways I slowed down.

First Trimester Moments

#1] Our first ultrasound was during Week 6. It felt very surreal, + even after seeing the heartbeat, we were in disbelief… I’m pregnant?

#2] We decided to find out the gender early on. I’m so glad we did this. It really helped this pregnancy feel more “real” to know if it was a boy or girl. We had a feeling it was a boy the whole time [you can read more about that here, as well as how we chose the name… which was in the first trimester!].

#3] We decided not to tell anyone, including our parents, until Week 12. We really wanted time to fully process this “surprise” pregnancy on our own. I’m not sure I would wait that long again, but I think it was necessary for us. Originally, we were calling it an “oops” baby + ultimately decided to drop that language, since it was not serving us. It was so clear that Noah was ready to come into the world [he gave us so much signs]. Now that he’s here, this “surprise” pregnancy turned into the best wedding gift we could have ever imagined. So grateful for our honeymoon baby.

#4] When we told our parents — my mom was like, “I knew it!” We had been living with my parents for a month + she picked up on some “clues.” One of them being that Isaac called me baby mama lol. I guess the quote “a mother always knows” is true!

#5] We had our first home birth appointment during Week 10. We ultimately didn’t end up working with this home birth team, + a lesson that I learned is that you can change your OBGYN/midwife at any time. You deserve the best care in the world, + if you don’t feel like the current OBGYN/midwife is a good fit for you, seek out someone else!

#6] I was playing phone tag with one of my friends at Week 12 when I started telling people the news. Finally, I sent her a bump pic… + then SHE SENT ME A BUMP PIC BACK. It was one of the best experiences to go through pregnancy [+ now postpartum] with a close friend. There’s no one who can relate more. It was such a gift.

#7] So grateful that we lived at my parents house [my childhood home] for one month during first trimester. It was a full circle moment, + brought about a lot of feelings + memories.

#8] I introduced myself to our baby for the first time during Week 10. I let our baby know that I’m here for them, that I’m sorry for not saying hi sooner, + that I will do my best to listen to what they need. It was a really sweet, tender moment.

#9] 831 is my “lucky angel number” — it occurred to me during first trimeter that I am giving birth in the 8th month of my 31st year. Pretty cool ; ). Another affirmation on how divine Noah’s timing was!

I gotta say… I’m a little nervous to experience first trimester again [if we are blessed with a second baby]. It was very tough. If you are in the thick of first trimester right now, please don’t hesitate to reach out. It can be a very lonely + isolating time. I am here for you! Sending you lots + lots of love.

Elisabeth