Home Birth + Surviving A Uterine Inversion: The Birth Of Gabriel Forest, *TW [Part #1]

13 min readJan 24, 2024

Trigger Warning: If you are expecting, I would not recommend reading my story quite yet. While a uterine inversion is an extremely rare condition — I believe that it’s best to only surround yourself with positive, uplifting birth stories while pregnant, like my home birth with Noah. While my birth story with Gabriel was traumatic, I can’t help but also feel so empowered by it — I am so, so grateful to be alive + to have a healthy baby boy in my arms. My life has been forever changed + I am very lucky to be able to share my story.

Preface

I never thought that this would be my story. I never thought that “surviving a near-death experience” would be something that would come out of my mouth. Of course, birth is always unpredictable… but this, this is something I could have never imagined. I know the title of my story using the word “surviving” sounds intense, + maybe even a little dramatic… but there’s a 15% mortality rate for uterine inversions [even if you are delivering in a hospital] — so yes, I survived.

I am a forever optimist. I am the person who immediately wants to seek the deeper, empowering message on “why” something happened. While I don’t want to spiritually bypass anything [I am currently going to weekly therapy with Isaac + I know that there will be a lot of somatic healing needed to be done, as well as plenty of pelvic floor therapy] — I know on a soul level, that despite this being the scariest thing I have ever went through… I am determined to make this one of my greatest gifts. I tasted what it was like to almost slip away… + because of that, my capacity for gratitude + joy towards life has increased a thousand fold. I am alive! I have such a burning desire in my heart to truly live.

All Things Pregnancy

For the most part, I had an incredible pregnancy. There were a few weeks of first trimester that were very, very rough [which is to be expected], but once I got past first trimester… I was in my pregnancy glory. However, all throughout pregnancy I had a bit of fear pop in + out… I tried to push it aside + not listen it… but, looking back — I think it was my intuition trying to give me insight on what was to come…

Choosing A Home Birth [Again]

After having an amazing home birth with Noah, there was no question that I wouldn’t have a home birth again. I chose almost the same exact birth team—there was no reason not to. I loved the familiarity + had a great experience the first time around.

Midwife: Abby, @lamidwifeabby
Doula [+ Midwife’s Assistant]: Johanna, @birthwhisperer
Photographer: Zoe, @thealohamamatog

However… I had a little ping in my heart from the very beginning to explore another OB/midwife. I thought it was because I was nervous that my midwife would miss my birth because she had to attend to another client… but looking back, I think it was my intuition gently nudging me, hey you should have an OB at your home birth.

Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish I would have indulged my intuition [+ other fears that I had] with curiosity, rather than sweeping them under the rug. I felt guilty even thinking about interviewing another OB/midwife — I didn’t want to hurt my midwife’s feelings. + I had an amazing experience the first time around, so why would I change? Ironically [or not so ironically], after my birth experience, when I asked my midwife if there was anything that she would recommend if we were to have another home birth, she said that I should have an OB present [the same OB that I had a intuitive hit about having her present at Gabriel’s birth].

Note to mamas — Don’t be afraid to change your birth plan or birth team. Don’t be afraid of “hurting people’s feelings.” Everyone wants what is best for you. Birth care providers know that mama’s intuition is so strong + they ultimately want you to have a team that you feel so supported + safe with. I wish I listened to my own advice. If I had an OB present, most likely she would have immediately known that it was my uterus attached to my placenta, + probably would have known how to re-insert it right away. No doubt I would still have needed to transfer to the hospital due to the loss of blood, but there would be less questioning of “what is going on.”

Releasing Fear

A week or so after finding out that I was pregnant, I had a nightmare that I had an emergency c-section. In the dream, I was rushed to the hospital + there was so many doctors + nurses surrounding me. It felt very chaotic + scary. I woke up from the dream in a panic. I hesitated to tell people about the dream because I didn’t want it to become “true” — although I did end up telling Isaac + my midwife, as well as few other people to try to help me release my fear.

Throughout my pregnancy, I thought about that dream quite a few times. I had an amazing home birth experience with Noah, + I had to unpack if that dream was an intuitive hit or if it was just a fear picture. I had a couple friends who recently had emergency c-sections… so I wondered if c-sections were just in my subconscious + that was why I had that dream. I felt a lot of resistance to a c-section — it scared me so much. Even though I knew I had to be open to how Gabriel wanted to come into the world… I just didn’t even want to think about that being a possibility.

Eventually, I was able to release my fear of a c-section + going to the hospital. I knew that it was highly unlikely, given this would be my second birth + there was nothing abnormal in my pregnancy that gave me any indication that a c-section or hospital birth was something that I would need to do. However… once I fully released that fear… other fears started popping up the last couple weeks of pregnancy. I feared tearing. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to endure the pain. I feared that I wouldn’t remember how to properly breathe to push the baby out. I feared that the baby had flipped + was now breeched [he wasn’t]. I feared that I wasn’t “ready.” I feared that Noah’s birth was “too smooth” — that it could only go downhill from there. I was just so uneasy.

The fears would come in + out. I would go in waves of feeling so confident + empowered by my imminent birth journey… + then I would have a wave of fear. I journaled extensively about it —it’s not my nature to feel this anxious + afraid… why was I so fearful? I had done this before… wasn’t I supposed to be more confident the second time around? I thought it might be because I was so blissfully naive about birth when I had Noah… but now, I knew so much more about birth + what could go “wrong.” I wasn’t sure. I did a lot of fear clearing meditations that helped. I’m so grateful for discovering Built To Birth meditations a week before Gabriel came into the world — I devoured her meditations + did them multiple times per day. The day I went into labor, I finally arrived at a place of peace + surrender. A mantra that really helped me:

“I can feel fear, but I am not afraid.”

Looking back, I think my fear pictures were trying to tell me something. I just didn’t allow myself to fully receive it + dive deeper into it. Instead, I wanted to simply push it away. Had I given myself permission to get curious about my fears, I may have come to the same conclusion as my “fear dream” on having an OB present at my birth. Obviously, we will never know what could have gone differently [if anything]. I’m grateful that I did end up getting to a place of peace, despite the fears. I knew in my heart that this journey was both mine + Gabriel’s… I had to trust that our journey would unfold exactly as it was supposed to.

Letting Go Of Noah’s Birth

Something else that coincided with the surfacing of my fears on Gabriel’s birth… a couple weeks prior to my due date, Noah’s birth “mementos” started breaking.

First it was a crystal necklace that we got during our babymoon for Noah. Then it was a “N” ring that I had bought a couple days before his birth. Noah was actually the one who broke both of them. Soon after, I tried on my “birth outfit” that I wore for Noah… I was planning on wearing the same outfit for “good luck,” but the bra didn’t fit anymore — it was too loose + stretched out.

I realized that these items “breaking” were giving me plenty of signs — it was time to release Noah’s birth. I honored + thanked Noah, myself, + our guides on how beautiful that journey was. It was time to bring Gabriel into this world with fresh eyes + give him the space — physically, mentally, + emotionally that he needed. A prayer that I journaled:

Gabriel, we love you. I cannot wait to see what our birth journey looks like together. I open my heart + let love flow freely in + out. I open my mind to possibilities greater than I can even imagine. I open my body to allow it to fully relax to support your welcoming into the world.

From that point forward, I became laser focused on Gabriel + myself. While I still had some emotions swirling [more on that below], I mostly allowed myself to go inward. I knew that I would never get this time back. The last couple weeks of pregnancy are so sacred [Read: Preparing For Labor: The Sacred Transition Checklist, Weeks 35–40] + I wanted to get all the nectar out that I could. I feel so grateful that I had that time to process so much + simply enjoy the last weeks, days, + moments of Gabriel in my belly + “life as we knew it.”

My Due Date [12/25]… Coming + Going

This entire pregnancy Isaac + I [+ everyone else] were positive that our baby was coming early. Isaac predicted 12/15, I predicted 12/16, our doula predicted 12/18, our midwife predicted 12/20… + so on.

I had so much anticipation the last few weeks of pregnancy — I could barely sleep. I would go to bed every night feeling a bit nervous that it might be “the night” [often second time moms start labor when their firstborn is asleep… so I assumed labor would start in the middle of the night]. Every hour I would wake up, waiting for contractions to start. By the morning, I would feel a little bit of relief that I had one more “bonus day” + my nerves would turn into confidence — I can do this. Then by night, the butterflies came back… repeating the cycle.

Every single emotion was felt during the last few weeks. Since we thought Gabriel was coming early, we had everything prepped + ready by 38 weeks. Nesting energy was at an all time high, + once everything was “done” I realized that I was using nesting to distract myself from my emotions.

Once I truly slowed down + allowed myself to feel — every single emotion arose from me. I felt grief for the chapter of the “3 of us” closing, I felt all the fear I mentioned above rise to the surface, I felt so much gratitude that our family was growing. I felt so excited to meet our baby, but at the same time I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening… that I was about to be a mother of 2. Even though I felt like I had been pregnant forever… for some reason, I just couldn’t wrap my head about the fact that I was going to welcome another baby into our family soon + I couldn’t comprehend how I would make space for more love in my heart. Gazing at Gabriel who’s in my arms right now [as I’m typing with one hand lol] — I can’t believe that I had doubts on my capacity to love. As expected, he has cracked me so wide open... I am so in love. But at that time, I just couldn’t envision it. If you are a mama, you probably understand what I’m talking about… it’s a felt experience — you have to live through it to understand it.

All of our “guess dates” eventually passed… + then our due date passed… + still — no baby. I started developing stronger + more consistent Braxton hicks contractions [or so I thought… later, I realized it was probably prodromal labor]. Though I thought for sure we’d have Gabriel in our arms at Christmas, the message that I got from him that day was to simply keep enjoying these “bonus days.” He was happy that I had [FINALLY] slowed down + he wasn’t in any rush… he would be making his arrival at the perfect time.

My Birth Plan

Having done this before, I knew to hold my birth plan very loose. I had a hard time visualizing my “perfect birth” — so instead, I focused on labor intentions. Here were a few of my intentions:

As soon as labor began, I wanted to read the letters that Isaac + I wrote to each other. Also, I wanted to take a video once labor started + take any final last belly pics
Listen to the birth playlist that I made on shuffle
Drink a lot during labor [electrolytes!] + try to pee every 30 minutes
Focus on my breath… long inhales + exhales during each contraction
All hands on deck bodywork during contractions
Prayers + affirmations + encouragement said out loud for me
Blow up the birth tub earlier than last time [+ get in the water earlier than last time!]
I loved the idea of waking Noah up either right before or after Gabriel was born. I imagined him standing beside the birth tub on his tippy toes, looking down at his baby brother [essentially the photo above]
Mantras that I created around the birth:

Gratitude 💛 I am so grateful for this experience.
Trust 💛 I trust that my body + baby know exactly what to do.
Purpose 💛 The pain has a purpose. I can do anything for one minute.
Power 💛 I am so strong + capable + powerful. I can do this… I am doing this!
Open 💛 I open my heart, mind, + body to birth my baby.
Peaceful 💛 I am having a relaxed, peaceful, beautiful birthing journey.
Supported 💛 I am not alone… I call upon God [Let go, + let God], my angels + guides, maternal lineage, + my birth team to help me along the way.
Love 💛 I am about to meet my baby!!!! 💛

Note to mamas — One thing I regret not doing is having a “birth intentions” meeting with my team [midwife, doula, photographer, + Isaac] in person a week or two prior to my due date. I wish that I invited them into the “ceremony” that is birth a bit more + shared with them more about my needs + fears + what I desired this birth to look like. Related to this, when everyone arrived once labor started… I wish that we would have had an “opening ceremony” together to honor the sacredness of the journey that was about to unfold, share my birth intentions again, + allow myself to share anything else that was on my heart + mind [as well as space for my team to share words of encouragement + anything else that was on their heart + mind!].

Approaching 41 Weeks… Losing My Mucus Plug + Bloody Show

The last few days of pregnancy were filled with a lot of self-care. I was really able to tend to my soul, as well as feel a lot more empowered about my birth journey that was to come. Every day felt like such a blessing + I felt super grateful for the “bonus days.”

However, as I got closer to 41 weeks, it was hard not to feel a bit anxious — but I reminded myself to simply take it one day at a time. I knew that in the birth world, towards the end of pregnancy, one day, let alone one week is a massive amount of time. Home births are legal in the state of California until 42 weeks — I didn’t need to rush my body. But, I won’t lie, I definitely did my fair share of googling about membrane sweeps, castor oil, the miles circuit, + other natural induction methods. I really didn’t want to have to do any of that… I wanted to go into labor as naturally as possible. I knew that I had to be patient + fully trust that our baby was going to make his arrival at the perfect time… + he did!

40 weeks + 4 days… [December 29] — Something shifted within me. A calmness washed over me + I finally felt so at peace. All of my fears were cleared + I felt so ready to birth our baby into the world. That day I journaled…

“Gabriel, we are ready for you… I know you are coming very soon. I can feel it. I think today may be the last day or even *the* day.”

Right after journaling, I got up to go to the bathroom… + I lost my mucus plug [which started coming out the day before] + more importantly — I had a BLOODY SHOW! I immediately texted my birth team. A couple hours later, I started feeling contractions. I couldn’t believe it. It was happening!

To be continued… read Part #2 here.

Love,
Elisabeth